Ninety-Nine Sure Signs of Spiritual Bypassing “The idea of “spiritual bypass” is simple: It’s when we use our spiritual beliefs and experiences as a way to deny our deeper and more sincere life needs. These sincere needs may be around belonging, career, money, power, self-expression, or sexuality.” ~ Mark Forman…

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A Timeless, Effortless, and Little-Practiced Secret to Starting and Maintaining Quality Relationships.  The secret is actually so simple that I am pretty sure it will disappoint you. But that does not keep it from being true. Like most perennial wisdom, the secret to picking up the perfect girl is deceptively…

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Examining the Benefits and Problems of Being Busy I read this on my facebook feed and it made me pause. I like being busy, but I also like to relax. I immediately agree with this statement, but I generally want to question blanket generalizations. What counts as busy? Why do…

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alternatives to barhopping

Make this Weekend a Night to Remember and Wake Up Feeling Great For many twenty and thirty year olds, barhopping is the go-to activity for Friday and Saturday nights. Young people spend a huge amount of time socializing around alcohol. While there is nothing morally wrong or even unhealthy about…

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What’s The Point? Most of you guys know that I love author/philosopher/integral badass Ken Wilber. His expression of the integral way of being truly does change people’s lives, usually over many many years of consistent practice and learning. It’s tough to share, partly because it tends to cover all of…

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Fixing Psychological Problems

How can I hold both of these seemingly contradictory truths?

I have to let go of the assumption that two contradictory ideas cannot coexist at the same time. Beyond relativism, where I can be both tall and short from different perspectives, it is quite possible to be both happy and sad at the same time—from the same perspective.

Easier said than done. We are socialized to draw distinctions and create absolute boundaries because they can be extremely useful. Yet when it comes to the complexity of the self system, psychology, and human emotion, a more encompassing way of understanding is necessary to be more accurate and caring.

So once I let myself experience both the desire to fix my own problem (of wanting to fix other’s problems), and the desire to not fix my own problem (partly in order to fix it), I relax into that paradox.

And whenever I feel myself relaxing into the paradox in order to resolve it, I notice that and laugh. If I notice myself using that relaxation as a technique to fix myself, I just stay with it, noticing the feelings of disappointment and frustration, of wonder and excitement.

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Can you imagine what the world would be like if the weapons of today were in the hands of our conquering ancestors? The people who counted slaves as ⅗ of a human or not human at all? Those who killed people of different religions, or started wars with tribes who shared family members?

There is something that makes modern times different, that keeps us from physically annihilating our competition or challenging them to life or death duels. Most people are not aware of it because it is hard to see from the inside, it is difficult to talk about, and it can be misconstrued in a way that seems oppressive, arrogant, and judgemental.

Most people look at what is directly in front of their faces and forget to zoom out and see the context of the entire story of humanity. Doing so the difference can be seen more clearly. Although it is by no means universal, there is a worldwide moral and social development that is more inclusive of others and more tolerant of differences.

And of course our previous way of existing in the world—the hate towards our closest neighbors, the ego and ethnocentricism—still exist. That’s exactly what makes nuclear weapons development in Iran and North Korea so frightening. Yet they are the extreme minority, whereas in the past their point of view was commonplace.

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